Following Saints’ Fallout, Several Organizations Admit to Placing Bounties on Favre

While the New Orleans Saints have fallen under a great deal of scrutiny and scorn following the uncovering of a ‘bounty program’ the team has had in place, a more recent report identifying Brett Favre as a high-value target has been received with mixed reaction.

“We can all agree on two things,” said one highly esteemed sports fellow, “that deliberately trying to injure an opposing player is unequivocally abhorrent, and that somebody, somehow had to knock Brett Favre into retirement.”

“This creates a tricky, gray area,” he added.

Though the original bounty put out by the Saints may not have succeeded in taking out that grizzled, gunslinging warrior of a quarterback who refused to quit, the general sentiment behind it could be seen rippling throughout both the league and the general public.

The New York Jets, Aaron Rodgers, Levi’s Real, Comfortable Jeans, the federal government and that local high school whose field he always occupies for personal use during the offseason have all stepped forward and admitting to having a bounty of their own on the head of Brett Favre.

“Did anybody see Favre’s last game in a Jet uniform?” asked Jets general manager, Mike Tannenbaum. “After we were certain he had effectively thrown away our season, we may have taken a different approach to ‘protecting the quarterback,’ along with transferring $75,000 dollars to Jason Tayler of the Miami Dolphins.”

“This is the shit we had to do,” he added.

Brett Favre’s bounty was, in the end, picked up a year after it’s original warrant, by the Chicago Bears.

 

But in all seriousness, this is not news.

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NFL Week 9 Funny Photo Captions

    (1) I am immediately regretting this decision

               

                        (2)                   You are coming with me as I have no idea where the endzone is.

(3)Stop, you don’t understand! I promised a sick boy in the hospital I wouldn’t get tackled today!

(4)I could end it all right now– really puts that 9 yard reception in perspective, doesn’t it?


We’ve got 4 photos this week, so take your pick(s) and top these captions.

It’s the Goddamn NFL Week 3 Power Rankings

As we are 17.647% through the NFL season, it is time for our official “At the 17.647%-mark” Power Rankings! If you don’t find the commentary funny enough for your liking, then please go either here or maybe even here. Or just scroll down and look at some of Manny Ramirez’s artwork This here is the NFL power rankings, and we don’t fuck around with that.

(1) No reason to move them from #1 until they drop a game. Ever since the Giants gave them that game in Lambeau back in Week 16 they haven’t lost. (3-0)


(2) It was a wild one in Buffalo, and being that this was an early season loss expect Belichick and Brady to do nothing but learn from this game. (2-1)


(3) They’ve put up a combined 68 points against two good defensive teams in Green Bay and Chicago, and outdueled Houston in a shootout in week 3. (2-1)

 


(4) Holy shit. (3-0)

 


(5) Ho-ly shit. Alright, fine, I’ll say more. They handled the Chiefs week 1 as a “top 5” team should, 41-7, beat the Raiders who proved in Week 3 they are a force to be reckoned with, then pulled off the upset of the season thus far by continuing to put up points and creating just enough havoc on defense to take down Brady and the Pats. (3-0)


(6) Baltimore’s 1 loss this season was a result of the defense keying in on Chris Johnson so hard (20 something carries for 50 something yards) that Matt Hasselbeck was able to throw all over them. Other than that, convincing wins against Pittsburgh and St. Louis show that when Flacco is on, (Rice is the given,) the Ravens are deadly. (2-1)



(7) With both their running game (bread) and defense (butter) in question, the Jets are facing two huge games in Baltimore and New England. By Week 6 they could either plummet in the rankings or ascend to early-season greatness. Guaranteed. (2-1)



(8) They almost lost to Indianapolis, gross. So far the only thing the Steelers can hang their hats on this season is that they thoroughly crushed a certain teal-uniformed NFC West team. Week 4 in Houston should give us more to go on with this year’s Steelers. (2-1)



(9) With a very impressive win in Philly the Giants have everybody rethinking this season. Plus, the way the Skins have played thus far makes that Week 1 loss not so embarrassing after all. Now let’s see if the Giants replacements can stay healthy. I’m drawing the line here on injuries this team can sustain. (2-1)



(10) Romo’s lung-wrenching performance in Sunday night’s win could be the foundation for a very strong season, especially with Miles Austin coming back from injury and the team now more confident than ever. Also, good luck keeping DeMarcus Ware away from your quarterback. (2-1)



(11) Darren McFadden is good, the team plays with swagger, and the AFC West is up for grabs. (2-1)

 



(12) Scratching out a 3-point win against KC wasn’t an encouraging sign. So far the offense and defense haven’t both shown up in the same game, but with the next two weeks against Miami and Denver they have 2 very manageable games to work it out before a week 6 bye. (2-1)



(13) It might take until the 2nd half of the season before they really get their act together, assuming Vick is able to stand by then. If not, they may have to put him down and see if Vince Young can be more reliable because there is too much talent on this team to have a perpetually injured quarterback. (1-2)



(14) Their offense hasn’t played particularly well at all and yet they’re still 2-1. If Freeman and his receivers find their stride this team is moving up. (2-1)



(15) They’ve put up points every single game and thoroughly handled two teams they are “supposed” to beat Indianapolis and Miami, but the defense couldn’t muster a stop against the Saints, giving up 40 points in a game where they had an early lead. (2-1)



(16) I look for this team to compete every Sunday but not necessarily pose a real threat in the long-run. Certainly a step in the right direction for the Skins. (2-1)



(17) The Titans will be a serious contender for a playoff spot if Chris Johnson ever gets going. He has rushed for 98 yards this season. Holdouts officially suck in all directions. Pay your stars ASAP. (2-1)



(18) They crushed the Falcons, then dropped 2 games to the Saints and Packers, making the Bears our highest ranked 1-2 team. They need to get the running game going (Forte has 135 yds on the season) in order keep QB Jay Cutler and his dumb looking face intact. (1-2)



(19) Michael Turner is averaging 5.6 yds a carry, unfortunately Matt Ryan and his receivers are averaging 3.2 WTFs every drive. They’re out of sync. (1-2)



(20) Gunning pretty damn hard for that .500+ record, the Niners are making us all proud thus far. They’ve put up far more points per game (23.2, 12th in the league) than their total yards per game (213.7, 32nd in the league) would seem to yield. Now that’s believing in yourself. (2-1)



(21) Carolineans didn’t think it’d be this fun this fast with Camcam at the helm. (1-2)

 



(22) They’re getting the job done, just barely, and it’s not pretty. Much like their logo. (2-1)

 



(23) Could very well be 1-4 after playing Green Bay and San Diego the next 2 weeks, which will lead to chants for Tim Tebow at Mile High, which will continue to get them nowhere (1-2)



(24) Let this season be about Gabbert’s development, try to not overuse MJD, and get ready to compete for the division next season. (1-2)



(25) The Vikings have outscored opponents 54-7 in the 1st half, in turn to be outscored 67-6 in the 2nd. You’d think a team with Adrian Peterson could put one of those games away. (0-3)



(26) Beginning as the worst team in the league the Bengals are slowly creeping up the ranks with a Ginger QB running the show. Do not trust the Bengals. (1-2)



(27) The Saints are ready for their rematch, now. (1-2)

 



(28) I’ve got $20 on Kolb and the Cards winning the NFC West… (1-2)

 



(29) They are finally getting production out of Henne but nothing else is falling into place. Football is hard in Miami nowadays. (0-3)



(30) ..luckily my opponent put $20 on the Rams to win the West. The (0-3)

 



(31) They may have just lost their Super Bowl this past Sunday night against Pittsburgh. Sad times in Indianapolis. (0-3)



(32) Jamaal Charles is out for the season, and apparently, according to Chaarles himself, the 6-yard run that did him in during the 2nd half of the 48-3 loss to the Lions “wasn’t even that worth it.” (0-3)


Mel Rankenface