1. The 2015 regular season schedule is 17 weeks long, which happens to be same length as the 2014 regular season schedule, along with that of 2012, 1989, and 2013.
2. In a brazen show of its disdain of the New England Patriots, the NFL gave the defending champions the dreaded Week 4 bye.
3. The New York Jets have no winnable games on their schedule.
4. Unable to mask their obvious preference towards the Patriots, the defending champions have the pleasure of playing the Steelers Week 1 while Le’Veon Bell is still suspended.
5. By Week 8, too many teams will have moved to Los Angeles, resulting in a mass-exodus back to their respective cities.
6. A preview of the 2027 Super Bowl between two future juggernauts, the Titans and the Panthers, is cleverly hidden in Week 10.
7. Every team’s bye week falls on the first Sunday after one of their players is going to be arrested for committing a crime.
8. Although his Bills are scheduled to play 16 games this season, Rex Ryan only plans on game-planning for 4 of them. (Can you guess which ones??)
9. The Jaguars will not be permitted to leave the UK following their Week 7 London game.
10. Despite what schedulemakers would have you believe, Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are fucking sick of playing each other.
11. The Ravens play the Bengals for two straight months from Week 2 through Week 9, and then again in Week 14.
12. Aaron Rodgers will play the Chiefs in Lambeau in Week 3, the same week he is scheduled to win the 2015 MVP award.
13. Once again, the Bills received no prime-time games at home in Ralph Wilson Stadium because of the illuminati.
14. Contrary to popular opinion, the Minnesota Vikings have a schedule.
15. With the Giants tied for the most prime-time games in the league, Eli Manning will get to stay up past 10 PM on a school night a whopping 5 times.
16. The Eagles play the Buccaneers in Week 11 (this may not end up being quirky, but better safe than sorry).
17. Due to a scheduling conflict with their stadium-mates, the Oakland Raiders will be forced to play baseball for 5 innings against the Seattle Mariners on Wednesday, September 16th.
18. All 256 regular season NFL games are just a distraction from the irreversible melting of the polar ice caps.
19. The Redskins team name will get exponentially more offensive with every passing week, ’til Week 12, when it will become funny for some reason.
20. Nobody plays the Rams.