20 interesting quirks you probably didn’t notice about the 2015 NFL schedule

Goodell Smirk
Roger & Co. love hiding these quaint ‘Easter Eggs’ in every year’s NFL schedule

1. The 2015 regular season schedule is 17 weeks long, which happens to be same length as the 2014 regular season schedule, along with that of 2012, 1989, and 2013.

2. In a brazen show of its disdain of the New England Patriots, the NFL gave the defending champions the dreaded Week 4 bye.

3. The New York Jets have no winnable games on their schedule.

4. Unable to mask their obvious preference towards the Patriots, the defending champions have the pleasure of playing the Steelers Week 1 while Le’Veon Bell is still suspended.

5. By Week 8, too many teams will have moved to Los Angeles, resulting in a mass-exodus back to their respective cities.

6. A preview of the 2027 Super Bowl between two future juggernauts, the Titans and the Panthers, is cleverly hidden in Week 10.

7. Every team’s bye week falls on the first Sunday after one of their players is going to be arrested for committing a crime.

8. Although his Bills are scheduled to play 16 games this season, Rex Ryan only plans on game-planning for 4 of them. (Can you guess which ones??)

9.  The Jaguars will not be permitted to leave the UK following their Week 7 London game.

10. Despite what schedulemakers would have you believe, Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are fucking sick of playing each other.

11. The Ravens play the Bengals for two straight months from Week 2 through Week 9, and then again in Week 14.

12. Aaron Rodgers will play the Chiefs in Lambeau in Week 3, the same week he is scheduled to win the 2015 MVP award.

13. Once again, the Bills received no prime-time games at home in Ralph Wilson Stadium because of the illuminati.

14. Contrary to popular opinion, the Minnesota Vikings have a schedule.

15. With the Giants tied for the most prime-time games in the league, Eli Manning will get to stay up past 10 PM on a school night a whopping 5 times.

16. The Eagles play the Buccaneers in Week 11 (this may not end up being quirky, but better safe than sorry).

17. Due to a scheduling conflict with their stadium-mates, the Oakland Raiders will be forced to play baseball for 5 innings against the Seattle Mariners on Wednesday, September 16th.

18. All 256 regular season NFL games are just a distraction from the irreversible melting of the polar ice caps.

19. The Redskins team name will get exponentially more offensive with every passing week, ’til Week 12, when it will become funny for some reason.

20. Nobody plays the Rams.


Facing Tebow on Sunday, Minnesota Vikings Set Their Defensive Gameplan a Little Higher

Are you sick of hearing about how Tim Tebow is the second coming? Are you dumbfounded by the emergence of a Tim Tebow versus Aaron Rodgers debate? We bet you are. Now imagine that you are 2-9, purple, and are welcoming Tim Tebow to the place you call home this Sunday, Minnesota.

It is under these desperate conditions that a radical, sordid gameplan has been born to stop Tim Tebow. Beginning as a rumor at the onset of the week but confirmed just hours ago, the Minnesota Vikings are in fact attempting to kill God himself in order to cut off his lifeline to the First Holy Son of Football.

The rumors began when an assistant coach got caught a glimpse of a defensive play with which he was unfamiliar. Finding it entirely unsettling he anonymously leaked details of the play to the public. The scheme looks something like this:One should note the unorthodox formation of this defensive scheme, which leaves just one defensive lineman at the line of scrimmage (presumably Jared Allen,) and spreads the rest of the personnel out as if disinterested in the Denver Broncos. However, much more shocking than the scheme’s inevitable inability to stop the run is it’s semblance to the satanic symbol of the pentagram:

Papal forensic experts fear that a full copy of the playbook would reveal something more along these lines:

Here we can see that the Vikings are only leaving two men in to spy on quarterback Tim Tebow, while the other nine sprint backwards/upwards to take down God. The plan is as genius as it is diabolical. While a flurry of teams have come out looking the fool chasing Tebow around in the fourth quarter, the Minnesota Vikings, who have been struggling against God since their inception in the league, understand that you can not bring down a man with The Grace of God on his side. Instead, in what could prove to be the ultimate prevent defense, they will try to take down the source of his divine power.

Though the Vikings’ lack of coherence on defense and below-par tackling skills would cause one to believe that God could handle himself against such an offensive, it should be noted that he will be preoccupied with guiding his one and only true son to the endzone for six, not guarding himself against a gang tackle. Lastly, in Genesis 48:8 it is stated:

And said unto me, behold, tho all-mighty and everlasting, that which He can hardly endureth is a gang tackle.

It appears God better keep his head on a swivel this Sunday.








NFL Week 11 Power Rankings

America’s Man-Crush on Aaron Rodgers reaches “full and throbbing” status, the Pats shut the Jets up, the Bears smack up the Lions, and my fantasy team loses to Michael Bush. All this and more reflected in the Week 11 Power Rankings.

EDIT: Clearly the Colts are not 2-6, but 0-10. Winless. Yet to win. However, we’re not going to go back into the table and make the change. Not in this economy. We need to be looking to the future in these trying times. That is all. 0-10.

Want to compare WOP’s rankings to that of other certified, highly trained expert rankers?



Bleacher Report

Week 10 NFL Power Rankings

The Packers still at #1, the Pats falling, Philly Phillying, New York rising and everybody continuing to overlook the Niners because it’s funnier that way. All this, a prediction for next Monday night, and our play of the week: Patrick Peterson’s Walk-Off Punt Return in OT, in WOP’s Week 10 NFL Power Rankings.

Feeling some mid-season NFL fatigue? Click here for a riveting breakdown of the NBA lockout.