Week 10 NFL Power Rankings

The Packers still at #1, the Pats falling, Philly Phillying, New York rising and everybody continuing to overlook the Niners because it’s funnier that way. All this, a prediction for next Monday night, and our play of the week: Patrick Peterson’s Walk-Off Punt Return in OT, in WOP’s Week 10 NFL Power Rankings.

Feeling some mid-season NFL fatigue? Click here for a riveting breakdown of the NBA lockout.

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Week 9 NFL Power Rankings

Why are these NFL Power Rankings more powerful than most Power Rankings? Because they’re equally smart and about three times as funny. Why has it been 6 weeks since Walk Off Punt’s last power rankings? Because life happens, that’s why. So with a month and a half between WOP’s take on the strength of all 32 teams, you can plainly see that some teams have defied all expectations (49ers, the Fightin’ KC Chiefs,) while others have spit on their God-Given talent, disappointed once-hopeful fans, and underperformed greatly (The Cowboys.) Enjoy.

1 (1) Well, they almost lost to Ponder and the Vikes, but then they didn’t, and then they got a week off. At 7-0 expect the Packers to continue to look to score more points than their opponents. (7-0)

 


2 (8) We knew their defense was better than New England’s, but it was the offense who gets the credit for retaining possession and putting up the points to win this past Sunday against the Pats. The only question that remains is- is anybody ever going to root for Ben Roethlisberger again? (6-2)


3 (20) The Niners have introduced the concept of winning to the NFC West, and, even better for them, it hasn’t even caught on yet! (6-1)

 


4 (2) Nothing ensures that the Pats are going to put together another win streak more so than an embarrassing loss– and the 8-point loss in Pittsburgh wasn’t even that embarrassing, but you can be sure it pissed New England off. (5-2)


5 (4) At one point this past Sunday the defensive line of the Lions almost swallowed Tim Tebow whole, decided to jump on the trend of “Tebowing,” and then made way for the offense to put up 45 points on the road. This team is just mean. (6-2)


6 (6) The defense is nasty, Flacco has been terrible, Ray Rice is inconsistent, and they pulled off the biggest comeback in team history this past Sunday against the lowly Cardinals at home… so, uh… #6? (5-2)

 


7 (5) Rex Ryan summed up the challenge of facing Buffalo very succinctly the other day: “Fred Jackson is a monster.” (5-2)

 


8 (3) Whoa! Do the Saints have some real reasons to worry or were they just victims of the runoff of the St. Louis Cardinals’ magic? (5-3)

 


9 (15) The good news, they’re undefeated in the division. The bad news, the division includes the Colts (0-8), Jaguars (2-6,) and Titans (4-3). (5-3)

 


10 (9) Ask any Giant fan and they don’t feel like they should be 5-2. That being said, they’re about to play New England, San Francisco, Philadelphia, New Orleans, and Green Bay. (5-2) Lol.


11 (19)With the running game going and the defense playing up to potential, they’ve definitely turned things around since a very poor start. Now all they need is Matt Ryan to start playing better (cough cough fantasy QB cough cough.) (4-3)


12 (7) J-E-T-S ABOVE .500! They’ve probably been the best 2nd half team in the past 2 seasons of football, but you know what they say, the 2nd half is only fifty percent of the game. (4-3)

 


13 (26) In the early-season power rankings I said that even at (1-2,) to never trust a team with a ginger quarterback. Four wins later, everybody is starting to feel real uneasy about this “feel good story.” (5-2)

 


14 (18) Well, Jay Cutler is still alive, but I think he has Matt Forte to thank for that as opposed to the O-line. (4-3)

 


15 (12) This team is the best winning team that is good at losing. Think about it. (4-3)

 


16 (13) The Eagles’ ticket to the playoffs is winning the NFC East, and with the way that division is bunched up, coupled with the Giants’ brutal upcoming schedule, that gives them a decent shot. Unless of course people start unfairly sacking Mike Vick again. (3-4)


17 (11) Oakland’s swagger took a huge hit with Campbell and McFadden’s injuries. However, they’ve got their beastly running back returning to the lineup and Palmer has had the bye week to figure things out. (4-3)

 


18 (32) This team started 0-3 and lost their biggest offensive threat in Jamaal Charles. They shall henceforth be referred to as the “Fightin’ Kansas City Chiefs.” (4-3)

 


19 (14) First Freeman was bad, then Blount was injured, but then Graham was good, and Freeman got better, but then Graham got injured, though luckily Blount is back. That’s how I feel about the Bucs. (4-3)

 


20 (17) Chris Johnson looks like an asshole right now. (4-3)

 


21 (10) Like the Eagles, this team could still very well win the NFC East despite their sub-.500 record. They just need to be more consistent, find a way to get just one more strike on the St. Louis Cardinals, and the championship is theirs. (3-4)


22 (25) The Vikes, though 2-6, have had a chance to win nearly every game they’ve played this season. Christian Ponder is playing above all expectations, Adrian Peterson leads the league in rushing, and Jared Allen leads the league in sacks. This team might spoil your team’s chance at the playoffs come the later weeks. (2-6)


23 (21) Similar to the Vikings in the fact that their record does not reflect how dangerous they can be any given week. Cam Newton to Steve Smith, Cam Newton to Greg Olsen, Cam Newton to hurdle your entire defense whilst scrambling. (2-6)


24 (16) Skins fans are currently in the stage of their season where they’re sharing photos and memories from weeks 1-4 with loved ones, remembering the good times fondly, and planning for next year’s glory. (3-4)

 


25 (22)  The Jinx is in full force this year. (3-4)

 


26 (24) It’s always nice when a bad team gets their own personal Super Bowl during some mid-season primetime game. They made the Ravens look so bad on Monday Night Football that they in turn looked bad. Unbelievable, I know. (2-6)


27 (30) Whatever that was this past Sunday, it was awesome. If this happens again this I’ll launch the Rams into the top 5. (1-6)

 


28 (27) Even Tarvaris Jackson is regretting purchasing a Seattle Seahawks Tarvaris Jackson jersey this past off-season. (2-5)

 


29 (23) “Could very well be 1-4 after playing Green Bay and San Diego the next 2 weeks, which will lead to chants for Tim Tebow at Mile High, which will continue to get them nowhere” — Mel Rankenface, Week 3. (2-5)

 


30 (28) Does it sound nicer to say they’re tied for 3rd in their division? (1-6)

 


31 (29) (0-7) I still believe this team will win a game or two, they just need to play better. I could also give better analysis, I just need to care more.

 


32 (31) (0-8) This Curtis Painter fellow is a real character!

 

 

Carolina Panthers Mysteriously Wake Up in LA: NFL Blames Irene

Julius Peppers, no longer a Panther, unsure of why he ended up in LA as well

On Sunday morning the Carolina Panthers, recently voted the favorite black and teal Carolina-based professional sports team by a local Kindergarten class, woke up expecting to find themselves facing the same challenges as their neighbors following Hurricane Irene– instead they found themselves in sunny Los Angeles, California.

Their houses had been entirely uprooted and haphazardly distributed throughout the Hollywood Hills. Understandably confused, the Panthers tried to recreate the previous night’s events in order to figure out how they woke up 3000 miles away from home.

“Well, I brought my patio furniture inside, secured my windows, locked the doors and went to sleep,” recounts wide receiver Steve Smith. “There’s gotta be something I’m missing…” he added, visibly perplexed.

The organization began to ask around, desperately in search of clues. Combing their new neighborhood for an explanation they left empty handed, except for Jimmy Claussen who got his picture taken with Topher Grace and Cam Newton who met a local entrepreneur and scored an unbelievable deal on used studio equipment.

At a complete loss for answers, and unable to comprehend why flights back to North Carolina are booked for the next 3 years, head coach Ron Rivera turned to the NFL for assistance. “Hurricane Irene did it,” Roger Goodell stated with an off-putting amount of confidence. “Hurricane Irene blew the Carolina Panthers to Los Angeles.”

According to NFL’s official meteorologist, Roger Goodell’s cousin, “North Carolina experienced sustained winds of up to 110 MPH on Saturday night, which are more than strong enough to relocate a franchise that had only 2 wins in the 2010 season.”

This explanation received mixed reactions from the players and coaches. “The storm blew our entire team and staff across the country, I get that, it happens” mused lineback Jon Beason, “but what I don’t understand is who sewed these LA emblems on to our uniforms?

The Los Angeles Panthers will assume the Raiders’ position in the AFC West, who reportedly fell into the Earth’s mantle following a recent earthquake.