It began with a mutual following, followed with a seemingly harmless mention, but has continued to the point of being painfully obvious– @landondonovan and @hopesolo are clearly #banging each other, and frankly it’s kind of annoying.
If you’re not familiar with this uncomfortably public courtship, check out @LandonDonovan’s Twitter page on which you will see dozens of attempts by the US Men’s National Team captain to get into @hopesolo’s goalie shorts. The courtship can be described as”totally high school,” but way nerdier, and carried out in front of hundreds of thousands of people. Let’s break down some of the many shots on goal taken by @landondonovan:
Here we’ve got the “hit-on-via-retweet,” annotated by the “RT,” followed by the “mention” (@hopesolo), which let’s Hope know that Landon’s thinking about her, even if that thought comes in the words of somebody else’s tweet. Next, “#DWTS” is code for Dancing With the Stars, just in case we still thought Landon Donovan was cool. Finally, to hammer it home, the tweet concludes by pandering for votes through an 800 number or ABC.com. Boy, he must be #smitten. Painful as this is, let’s keep going.
In this heartwarming tweet we see that Hope is not only handling Landon’s shots on goal, she’s volleying them right back.
Dissecting the tweet, it seems that Landon made the shockingly daring move of leaving the Twitter universe, or Twuniverse, and visited Hope, in person, for support, for something, or some other thing. The visit clearly has Hope in a flirty mood, annotated by the 🙂 , egging the midfielder on in his pursuit. Donovan’s retweet of Hope’s original flirt, known as a “reflirt,” or “RF,” shows that no matter how obvious this thing gets, the two are not going to stop into the whole @world knows of their darling relationship. Finally, Landon implies that he may have already snuck one past the keeper in this tweet:
If the constant @ing between the two US soccer players wasn’t enough to confirm that something was in the Twair between the two stars, Landon gives us some creepy confirmation right here. “I got dirt on you ;)” he says, quite sketchily, implying that @landondonovan and @hopesolo may have actually #banged already #damnthatbabysgonnabegoodatsoccer
But if they have already #banged, then why is he still going at it over the Twuniverse? Are we doomed to live in a Tworld where we are exposed to Mr. and Mrs. @’s love chirpings all Twday long? This disturbing notion should have us all reconsidering Twlaw, for we must ask ourselves, is this the kind of Tworld we want to be bringing up our Twchildren in? #getmeoutofhere