Trying to Match Rex’s Enthusiasm, Coughlin Gets Tattoo of His Own

Tired of being overshadowed by Rex Ryan, Tom Coughlin has gone tat for tat with the boisterous head coach in hopes of firing up his squad. After revealing his new tattoo to his team and the media, it appears Coughlin may have scored a check mate in his very first move.

“This is very unlike Tom,” notes Giants’ tight end Kevin Boss, who declined further comment in fear of being fined.

While Ryan says the design on his right calf signifies “believing in oneself,” Coughlin’s new ink, prominently displayed from his cheek to his hairline, represents “unparalleled discipline, unchecked fury, and getting to the goddamn meetings on time.”

While the head coach’s new look seems to have lit fire within Big Blue, who completed the first ever five-a-day practice regimen on Tuesday without any complaints and minimal heat strokes, it’s effect may have gone too far with team quarterback Eli Manning.

“Eli will not be attending practice or any more team functions for that matter until the nightmares cease and the bed-wetting is down to a reasonable level,” stated Eli’s father, Archie Manning.

When asked about the striking resemblance between his and former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson’s facial tattoos, Coughlin simply replied “if he’s got a problem with it he can come talk to me.” Tyson has yet to respond.

 

Solomon Crosby

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