Canucks’ Luongo: “I Will Not Stop One Puck Next Season Unless Thomas ‘Likes’ My New Facebook Profile Pic.”

Luongo Receiving Physical Contact from Thomas, the happiest moment of his life

Roberto Luongo, whose meltdown between the pipes is arguably the biggest contributing factor to the Canucks’ loss to the Bruins in the Stanley Cup Finals, has come out saying that he will continue to suck next season unless Boston’s Tim Thomas ‘Likes’ his newest Facebook photo.

The photo, seen below, seems to be Luongo’s latest attempt to solidify his relationship with Thomas. This odd, almost pathetic saga became public just last week when Luongo lamented, “I’ve been pumping his (Thomas’s) tires ever since the series started. I haven’t heard one nice thing he’s had to say about me.”

Since that point Luongo went on strike, at times playing the goalie position with his eyes closed, without a stick, even on rollerskates while facing the wrong direction during the first period of Game 6. According to the Canucks’ netminder, however, these inexplicable actions are all for a worthiest of causes: friendship.

“I want Tim to know that I put our friendship above all else: the Cup, my teammates, my reputation… I even offered to share my Dave and Busters Power Points with him.”

ESPN’s Guy Who Knows About Hockey, Barry Melrose, believes that this perceived friendship can be traced back to Game 1 of the series, when Luongo caught Thomas’s eye during one of the many fights that broke out between the two teams. While everybody was getting slammed into walls, punched in the face, and molested in the mouth, Luongo stood back at goal looking like a thin, frightened man from Quebec.

“Frankly I was very worried,” notes Luongo. “I started thinking, what if one of these guys came after me?” Awkwardly enough for Thomas, it was this violent setting that prompted Luongo to look so desperately for a friend.

“But when I looked down ice and saw his warm smile beneath that luscious beard, the very smile I now see every time I lie back in my bathtub and close my eyes, I knew Tim would take me in his burly arms and make everything OK.”

But everything would not be OK. With the playoffs behind him, Luongo shaved his face and sat eagerly in front of a digital camera with the self-timer on, sporting his friendliest smile, his greasiest French guy hair. He hoped the off-season would bring about all kinds of hanging out possibilities with Tim. He was ready for a fresh start. Immediately after uploading the photo he posted on Thomas’s wall, “Hey Tim, new prof pic, what do you think?”

Twenty-eight excruciating minutes later, Thomas has yet to comment back, yet to even just ‘Like’ the photo. And as a sullen but determined Luongo continually refreshes his Newsfeed, he hopes his threat will not go unheeded, that this will simply be a minor speed bump on the highway that is his everlasting friendship with Tim Thomas.

Roberto Luongo's new Facebook pic.
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